Think Big, Start Small, Build Deep

Auny Chow talked about excelling in the different pillars that you felt God led you in. The title was "Think Big, Start Small, Build Deep". It struck me. I realised again that i have to stop being lazy. Start to be hardworking. To take hold of what God has prepared for me. I know He has a great plan for me and He wants to use me mightily. Just that i'm too lazy or even self-centred to want to take hold of that. Perhaps i know that i can't be lazy anymore and i'll have to sacrifice many things. Not wanting to leave my comfort zone. Comfort zone. I've been too comfortable. The trouble is i love the comfort zone and i didn't wanna barge though of course frequent times i felt uncomfortable to be this lazy, but i ignored the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I guess i've grieved the Holy Spirit's work in my life. When i was listening to what she spoke, i felt i should and have to stop being like this. I want to excel in the pillar that God will send me forth. Heard a few testimonies of how being top in those pillars led to many chances of God's name be preached.
When aunty Chow prayed for me, she prayed that i'll have boldness to seek Him. How true. I didn't really realise that i'm actually scared or avoiding Him because i'm scared to take hold of what's next or rather i'm scared to leave this comfort zone. I'm scared yet how can i be scared. I'm revealed that He is there. That road, though bumpy, has Him. And Jesus is enough. It suffice. It supposed to suffice someone. Am i quenching my thirst from Him? Am i taking water from the right source? I guess i've substituted it with something else, partly, thats why i felt pretty thirsty in my spirit, like it's not enough. Then she prayed for creativity to seek Him. Something like that. I remember she said creativity. I guess to seek Him. Still wondering what did she mean by that?
Anyway, i want to excel in the pillar God gonna bring me to. Now is not the same as last time. The way missions works work and all. God desire to have more movement of HS for this time. This season is different than the last. I need to flow in God's heart and timing. Not being stuck behind the time. I'm living in this era, not the old era. I want to excel in the pillar. I guess He had led me to the education part. I'm still not sure, but i like teaching the best. But for now, i want to strive to be the best in my class. I know, God doesn't view me on what i do for Him, but this is what i want to do for Him. To excel. With the Holy Spirit's help, this will pretty much be a miracle, because of my laziness. Need to break this stronghold.

When we were singing "one way" during worship, i felt pretty moved by the lyrics. How this song had touched me. This was my first favourite Christian song i know before i accepted Christ. I love this song. And after i accepted Christ, i've also always loved this song because it brought back memory. Now, today, i opened up my eyes further to understand the lyrics and it touched me again. I lay my life down at your feet, cuz you're the only one i need. How true. I turned to you and You are always there. Indeed He had been always there when i need Him, when i choose to follow Him. In troubled times its You i seek, i put You first that's all i need. Remembered that last time whatever comes my way, i'll turn to Him. Have i stop doing that? And so true, He is all i need but still i had substituted Him with so many worldly stuffs. I humble all i am, all to you. One way, Jesus, you're the only one that i could live for. Jesus is truly the only way. He is the way out. He is the way in. He is the way. The way where i need to follow, the road i truly need to take. Truly there's nothing else that i could live for, or worthy to live for except for Him. He is a part of me. And i don't want just to let Him be a part of me, but everything in me. God, take the rest of the parts that are not surrendered. There are just so many insecurity in me. God take them away. Make it secure, fully secure in You. I know this sounds so selfish. But Lord, this is the only way, You're the only way, and my heart is crying out to You right now. Take away this remaining old flesh that're clinging on to me and make me new.
You are always, always there, every now and everywhere. Your grace abounds so deeply within me. You will never ever change. Yesterday, today the same. Forever till forever meets no end. This gives me security. That i know i can hold on to. That i know i have my home in You. A home that'll not move. Unless i move away. :( If ever i chose to move away, how ill am i. Ill.
For You, i'm gonna excel. I'm gonna strive. I want to be the best. For You said in your word that you've made me king. And you'll lift up your people that we can be a head higher than the rest. To be on top of that mountain. I want to excel. But with the power of Your Holy Spirit. Lest, all are in vain. All efforts will go down to the drain.
Again, i want to excel through You.