Strive

Sometimes, actually most of the time, i'm scared that i can't achieve what God wants of me. I know its a choice. To choose to excel, or not. I need to excel. Yet, i'm feeling scared. Scared to study. What if i can't finish it? What if i can't achieve it? Today i've only studied for 2 pages of Biology. And my exam is next week. I'm scared of failing those subjects anymore. I need to buck up. I need to change. I need a change in my life. Enough of living that old life. Enough of complaining that maybe i can't do it. God, help me.
Yesterday hung out with JJ and Eunice. Eunice talked about excelling in those top pillars. I want to excel. This is the means of mission right now in our society. To reach out to people through this modern way. I don't want to be the one weak in everything. Of no use. Useless to the Kingdom. I need to face it now. Face it. Everyone is very hardworking now. For God. Even those who don't know Him. Hardworking. I know God placed me in this year to discipline me. I know, that knowing is not enough. I need to accept this reality and partner with God to work on this weakness of indiscipline i have together. And He shall strengthen me. He WILL strengthen me i know. But am i willing to take hold of this? I'm willing, now, as much as i can, as much as what i can give right now. God, help me to take hold of this. I don't want to be defeated this year just like that. To waste this opportunity to glorify your name this time. I know You want to do so much in my life, yet i know half of my hand is barring myself away from You, this i truly do not want. I know deep in my heart, i want to achieve so much, yet i'm holding myself back. Perhaps, this is also one area in my life that i'm holding myself back? Yes, don't hold myself back from excelling. I know i can excel, if i put in my effort. I fully believe that God gave me this brain for me to excel. I can be good in studies if i want to. So, don't waste it.
I will strive.
Again.